Types of Straight men

Straight Men in heterosexualized spaces consist of the following:
All of the following have significant to exclusive sexual attraction for men, although most will never ever acknowledge it.
1. Straight acting heterosexuals: These are people who fit in the most snuggly in the heterosexualized spaces, because they are naturally capabale of an emotional and social bond with women and they relish it. They have a significant femininity inside them, which is often disguised by extreme social manhood granted to them under the straight identity. They also often have a strong desire to cross-dress or even transexual tendencies. Their visible feminine acts are often ignored by the enormous artificial 'masculine' image that comes with the 'heterosexual' tag in heterosexualized societies.
They are actually meterosexual males, that is they have a strong femininity, but also have enough masculinity to have a masculine ego. While they have a strong sexual desire for men, their emotional desire is partly or completely towards women. The more their emotional/ social bonding desire is towards women, the more queer they are.
Some of them are however, made 'heterosexual' through the various mechanisms of heterosexualization of men.


2. Real straights: These are males who are masculine and the real constituent of the men's spaces or the real 'straights'. Their primary characteristics include:
- they are predominantly masculine gendered.
- they have no natural desire for emotional or social bonding with women, in fact, by nature, they are quite averse to it.


Real straights can be further divided into two parts:
- Type 1: Those who have a purely physical desire for women (largely vaginal intercourse), ranging from strong to moderate. However, this desire is not constant but intermittant/ periodical, and is largely non-discriminatory, i.e. they usually just need a release and are not very choosy about who they take as a partner. However, if they have freedom, they are very choosy about who they choose as a male partner. Under natural circumstances, (which is altered by the heterosexualization of men and society) they tend to be promiscuous vis a vis women, but committed and monogamous vis a vis a man partner.
- Type II: Core Group: Those who, as far as their real nature is concerned, have minimal to no physical desire for women. However, they have to pretend such a desire to stay in the straight group in a heterosexualized society, and are one of the most disadvantaged groups.
The machoest straight men come from this group. This group is also the core of the straight space or the men's spaces. They hold the men's spaces together, and are the real strength or power of men's spaces and of men. The rest of their qualities are similar to those of Type I mentioned above.

An analysis of the actual differences between 'Straight' and 'gay'

At the broader, societal level, the actual difference between 'straight' and 'gay' is not of sexuality, but that of 'normal'/ masculine/ regular/ mainstream/ majority guys vs the 'third gender' or 'males with a female identity'. And so, even if, one rejects the notion of dividing males on the basis of their sexual attraction, the differences of gender, and hence two different identities will always be there. Those who have been identifying themselves as 'homosexuals' will then just start calling themselves 'third gender', but they will still be different. The 'heterosexual' (sic) third genders will also be merged with this category (who actually are already merged with the gays as the "T" in LGBT).


But within the 'normal'/ masculine/ regular/ mainstream/ majority guys, at the practical level, the actual difference between 'straight' and 'gay' becomes not that of having sexual feelings for men or of acting on them (of course, 100% of this population has a strong sexual need for men which may be suppressed), but that of acknowledging these feelings.

So, straight males give vent to their sexual feelings for men all the time, at least in their youth or when they're in an all-male company, albeit, superficially, without acknowledging these, and it doesn't make them 'gay'. This is why, finding an excuse for vending their attraction for men, is so important for straight males, even if these excuses may be flimsy.

This applies even when a straight male is actually in a 'relationship' with another straight male, where fidelity is expected of each other. But, nothing is ever acknowledged. Everything is done quietly, and it doesn't affect their 'straight' identity.

However, the moment, these feelings, or the secondary feelings or acts that emanates from them -- of jealousy, possessiveness, hurt, cajoling each other, being angry at each other, missing each other, or any of the relationship issues, however slight or intense, are even slightly acknowledged, the straight identity is threatened.
And this is why, within the straight/ normal/ masculine/ mainstream/ majority male population, the difference between 'straight' and 'gay' is extremely superficial.

Men's sexual rights vs Women's sexual rights

In the pre-heterosexualized/ pre-modernized/ pre-westernized world, both men and women had their own share of burden, as far as sexuality is concerned. The consequences of the sexual roles may have had implications for women only in the sexual field for women, but for men it had far reaching consequences that permeated every aspect of their life. However, the good thing was that the various playing forces -- the anti-man forces (which ruled the formal space) and men's spaces (informal spaces) -- created a sort of balance, where both men and women were compensated for what they lost, and neither could exploit the other sexually.
Under the pre-modern system, while women were supposed not to have any sexuality for men, men were supposed to have an everready, never ending, sexuality for women, that was expected to define their very existence.
The modern West, with its anti-man forces getting extremely powerful through the wealths of industrianlization and the tools they developed (ab)using science, liberated women from their sexual burden and gave them space to be sexual with men.


However, they did not liberate the man from his sexual burden -- on purpose too -- in fact, they took these burden to the extreme and concretized them through science -- by reinventing the 'manhood' identity itself as 'heterosexual' thus making sure that there is no escape for men from their sexual enslavement to women.


This had the effect that:
1. The delicate balance created by the earlier humans between the inter-gender powers of men and women --both visible and invisble -- was lost.
2. Women now had extreme exploitation powers over men -- both, in the sexual arena and the social arena.
3. Men lost all leeway, and now they don't have any respite from their burdens. The only way to escape the pressures now is to leave manhood, and all its privilieges and take on the disempowered, third gender gay identity, which is not an option for men at all.
It's ironic when the same anti-man forces who have brought this about and who perpetuate and enforce this new system, talk passionately about women's rights.

The anti-man forces

Originally, they were the rulers who just wanted to employ men like livestocks to given them more and more children to become their 'subjects.' These rulers, reserved the right to love and have sex with men to themselves, so much so that it came to be seen as a luxury that only noblemen could indulge in freely.

But, as time passed by, and rulers changed, and power went from the kings to 'religion' especially in the West, the conspiracy against men that disempowered men a great deal, created artificial sources of power, using the power wrested from this disempowerment. And vested interests grew around these unnatural, artificial power sources, that sustained their power from it.
These power sources were based on the continuous disempowerment of men for their sustencance, and thus these anti-man vested interests, not from the rulers, but from within the subjects, had an immense vested interest in keeping men enslaved and disempowered. These vested interests who were already very powerful, would invade and capture every new, promising human institution that the real men created, that had the power to liberate them -- starting with 'religion' (the anti-man forces controlled religion, and abused its power to make sex between men a sin against god ... and to force men to be married, procreate and even to 'love' their women) ... and then going over to Science in the modern world (and science created the system of 'sexual orientation' with which men could be forced to be heterosexual with the threat of being isolated as one of the non-males (now wrongly known as 'homosexuals', and all those studies on 'homosexuality' and 'homosexuals' that validate the unnatural concepts), and yes, of course, the Media.

Why heterosexuality is unnatural ...

Never in the history of mankind has the world witnessed such enmasse male heterosexuality, as in the west. The west likes to sell this heterosexuality as 'natural,' biological and also seeks to distort the history of mankind in order to show them as heterosexual as well, however, the truth is that all that heterosexuality seen in the west is artificially/ unnaturally generated, and can be termed as 'induced heterosexuality.'
As Biologist Bruce Bagemihl claims in his unprecedented book "Biological exuberance," the kind of heterosexuality we witness in the west is not found in the natural world. In his study he concludes that this heterosexuality doesn't form more than 5% of animal sexuality.

Indeed, even if we look practically, heterosexuality cannot be all that pervasive and constant, year long thing. Because of the single reason that it is inherently tied with reproduction. And, so, you MAYNOT take it casually or for romantic bonding purposes, the way it is glorified in the west. The purpose of male-female sex is strictly and limited to reproduction, and it may not cross that line under natural conditions. Under natural conditions, sex and romantic bonds between males is the norm for non-procreative purposes. It is not for nothing that it is sexuality for another man which is an uniform trait of males, especially, mammalian males, rather than sexuality for females. The purview, extent and depth of male sexuality for females is extremely limited in nature.


Let's see what are those artificial/ unnatural factors that make 'heterosexuality' possible.
1. Breaking men from men: The first and foremost is the suppression of man's capability to desire men. Unless, men are broken sexually and romantically from other men, men will not divert their sexual energies into heterosexuality. And, indeed this is the reason why most human societies have come to be so hostile to desire between men -- in fact, modern west looks down upon any kind of intimacy between males -- even friendships.

2. Forcing men with women: No amount of breaking men from men can force men with women, unless some other crucial mechanism is used. And, that is why the societies have employed the route of "social manhood," the singlemost important factor in a man's life to force men with women. It has always been achieved by making sex with women the basic requirement to clear the 'manhood test,' that all societies have required their males to go through, in order to become a 'man,' socially. And, failure to prove one's 'capability' to penetrate women results in a punishment for men worse than death -- to be labelled/ categorized as a 'third gender,' or a 'non-man' (gay in modern west).

3. Other mechanisms: The other mechanisms have been employed by societies since the ancient times, although, the scope of their control on men was limited in those days. Things however got immense boost in the modern west, and science has developed several tools to achieve the above two crucial (for the society's pov) goals.

Science has also helped in removing the most important physical barrier in making 'heterosexuality' 'practical' at a vast scale. And, this has been through the invention of birth control measures, that ensure that male-female sex can be ridden of reproduction, so as to enjoy it in the same manner as male-male sex (at least, on paper -- in reality, male-female sex can not equate male-male sex in terms of pleasure, although, its a 'forbidden fruit.'). This mechanism is both ironical and unfair, because, 'heterosexuality' has received the power it has today, only because of the fact that it results in reproduction, that societies have struggled and competed for in all these ages.
If sex has to be broken from reproduction, then the entire exercise of breaking men from men and forcing them with women looses its logic.


And this is what the world needs to understand, particularly the men -- because, the effeminates (third genders, heterosexuals, gays) and the sexually promiscuous women tend to benefit from the oppression of men this causes. They have all the interest in perpetuating this oppression, and they will always seek to oppose any attempt to liberate the men. It's the men (straight men, if you please) and only the men who can liberate themselves.

Transexuals and Transgenders are third genders

The west has done a great disservice to humanity by reducing genders to a binary. This partly reflects the western mentality that only that which can physically be seen is real, the rest is non-existent. Although, gender can be physically seen (in terms of dresses, mannerisms, expressions, etc.), the west only looks at the outer-sex organs of people in order to decide their gender. However, this totally misses an important feature of gender that resides within us.


The fact however remains that there are, in actuality, as many as six different human genders. Since, only two human genders constitute the majority, and the rest are in a minority, eversince the politics of male gender and sexuality took birth, the human genders were reduced to just three, the world over. The West, took this politics a step further and reduced the three genders to just two.
However, the most important reason for the west's discarding the other gender identities apart from the binary male and female, in particular its discarding of the biological concept of 'inner-sex' is because, inner-sex is unimportant as far as reproduction is concerned, and the west is so pathologically obsessed with reproduction, that anything that is immaterial for reproduction is negated by the west.
However, this has created a lot of human traits and people redundant as well as diseased. One such group -- the effeminates/ transgendered males that liked men, sought a way out of this mess, by redefining themselves (albeit wrongly) as 'men who like men,' with all its consequences for men. Now, although, the west did not want to recognize 'gender orientation' as valid, it had no qualms about validating the existence of 'homosexuals' (sexual orientation) because it fits perfectly into its politics meant to denigrate and stigmatize man-man bonds. By calling a group of effeminate, amoral and sexually promiscuous queens 'men who like men,' the western society and its science saw a perfect opportunity to denigrate the very trait of man desiring another man, and to make this trait inaccessible to males with manhood, by categorizing it completely into this transgendered zone.


However, left unnoticed is another group of people who were rendered 'abnormal' and denied validity by the western society -- these were people who were extremely transgendered -- i.e. males who simply had no male identity inside them. I.e. they are feminine gendered to the extreme. While gays fit into the male-female binary system, and they can be feminine without needing to alter their body, and were happy with having a separate gender category for themselves even if it was defined in terms of 'sexuality,' the extreme third genders, became total misfits into the binary system.


A totally healthy, normal and positive gender thus started to see itself as diseased, and also developed an intense hatred for the male body -- a phenomenon also witnessed in lesser form in the non-western world, which although, had a third gender, but, gave little rights to the physical hermaphrodites. In the non-western world, such people would become physical eunuchs -- and there is a myth in places like India, that the term 'third gender' signifies only the physical eunuchs, and for a long time, western 'homosexuals' were thought to be physical eunuchs as well.


This phenomenon is taken to the extreme in the west, and transexuals have simply no place in the society -- not even a denigrated one. So, they seek a sex change operation, which, at least, superficially changes the outer sex of the individual, even if the surgically altered sexual organs cannot operate like the biological ones.
This need to castrate or alter one's sex will not be there if only the society can recognize and give a healthy and positive space to the transexuals as 'third genders,' because no matter how much they would love to be seen as 'biological women,' this is not practical -- neither socially nor biologically.

The heterosexualization of (straight) men

Young men know that they are supposed to develop a strong enough sexual need, a sexual comfort, a sexual space for women in their hearts/ minds and that time is running out. The bigger sexual need they are able to develop for women, the easier their life is going to be.

No one talks about it, but almost all straight men (except those to whom it comes more naturally) struggle quietly, without letting anyone know of this struggle, to develop a place for women in their life, because unless they do it, they're going to be queers not men. Mere talking about girls can only take them so far. When men's spaces are strong you can get away with just talking about girls till you get married. And you don't really need a sexuality for women to get married, you only need to do the needful. Marriage is more of a social responsibility. No one cares or knows whether you really enjoy the sexual company of a woman. However, the more heterosexualized the society is, the more you're under pressure to develop a sexuality for women, because they want action, not mere talking.
Its the social mechanisms of man's oppression that have generated this need in men to develop a sexuality for women (or face the consequences), and it is the same mechanisms which help the men to do it, for one thing, by placing such huge social value for men in girls. This social value keeps men inspired to run after the girls. In other words, men run after the girls for the social value attached to them, and the social power attached to heterosexuality than for their intrinsic sexual value. The pleasure, and everything else is secondary, which may or may not happen. Sex is a pleasurable sensual activity in itself, and if all the other avenues of releasing sexuality are physically or psychologically closed for men, then the only avenue available automatically becomes pleasurable for you. Technically, you can also develop a sexuality for animals, if they're the only beings you can actually have sex with. It is the same principle that the Forces of Heterosexualization use to explain so-called 'homosexuality' in prisons.


The heterosexual society has created a huge socio-psychological prison for men, where sexuality between men is marginalised into a queer ghetto, severely stigmatized and kept away from the mainstream men's spaces (straight spaces). Thus a sexuality for men becomes inaccessible for normal, regular, masculine guys who are known as 'straights' (in traditional societies, they're just known as 'men' and gays are known as 'third gender'), who are conditioned to fight off and hate any such sexual feelings within them. They are trained to see their sexual need for men (which is biologically a part of being a masculine gendered male), as a burden that they must get rid of, if they want an easy life. Taking on the queer 'gay' identity is out of the question for masculine gendered males, who'd rather die than have to take it -- So, classifying sexual need for men as 'gay' is practically creating a huge wall between men and their sexual need for men, a wall that men can never break. Its a straight line that men will never dare to cross.


Men don't care for sexual pleasure or any pleasure
That sexual pleasure in itself means little to men over their manhood, is clear from the fact that in case study after case study, where typical young straight men became intensely but unwittingly, sexually and emotionally involved with another man, short of falling in love, they still fought off these feelings and either avoided having real sex (which in any case often doesn't involve anal/ oral sex) with their lovers (which were acknowledged as just friends) or allowed themselves to have unacknowledged sex with them, but broke off the relationship which was at its zenith, when they were faced with the pressure from the 'lover friends' to acknowledge these feelings. The avoidance of sex as well as breaking off the bond was extremely painful for them, and had it been towards a girl, they would have made quite a show of their distress, and even have contemplated suicide. However, here they just internalize their pain, move ahead and then try to seek the company of a girl to transfer all that heightened but unfulfilled sexual need. So, although, straight men make a huge show of their sexual interest in girl and the pleasure they derive from it, in reality, pleasure means little to straight men. What means is their straight identity, because the straight identity is related with manhood. And the Queer identity is related with a loss of manhood.


Also, in all of these case studies, straight men although became intensely emotionally involved, they did not fall in love with their male lover friends, some of whom were non-heterosexual straights (in non-heterosexulaized societies, masculine males who exclusively desire men are counted as striaghts) or were 'gay', fell in love (which means they were not so inhibited about a relationship with a guy). Some of these straight men went on to fall in love with girls.
While some of this love was a put on, others were more genuine. But whether they were fake or genuine, one thing was for sure, they were all, especially flamboyant about their love for the girls and made a great pommp and show of it. They also seemed to be unusually involved with the girls, with unusually heightened feelings and unusual care they showed towards their female partners -- something that they constantly withheld from their male partners. However, even in the genuine cases of these male-female love, men were able to fall in love with girls because they value their relationships with girls, while they did not value their relationships with a man, and you can't fall in love unless you value something. Their lover friends, on the other hand greatly valued these relationships and had a place for it in their hearts as well as their life. Thus they allowed themselves to fall in love, while the straight men did not allow themselves to do that.

Acknowledging their sexual need for or interest in another male may have more than just the social connotations for straight men. They may actually also render the inbuilt socio-psycho mechanisms inside them useless, if they only acknowledged this sexual need even in private (like in a private survey). This is why they NEVER acknowledge their need even with the partners they're having an intense sexual relationship with, or if they, in the heat of the moment, acknowlege it, they make sure to go back on it and deny it later, when they remember to fight with the intimacy. Because, not acknowledging something that exists has tremendous implications. If you consider an existing trait as non-existing it practically ceases to exist, even when it does so. And then it ceases to affect your personal sense of identity as a 'straight' male.
Another thing that is evidenced from the case studies is that, men who naturally develop enough sexual feelings for girls, that is, they did not have to struggle a lot to achieve this, they are less macho, often softer, than those who struggle a lot to develop these feelings. But they also tend to be more open about relating sexually with other men, especially once they 'prove' their heterosexuality, and have lesser hassles in doing so than men who have had to struggle a lot, and especially those, who're still struggling.
This struggle to be heterosexual tends to take a lot of toll on the health of straight men, who tend to age much faster than males who don't have to struggle so much. This is one reason why gays tend to look younger than straight males of similar age. But, straight men are willing to pay any price to be heterosexual, as long as it is required for 'manhood'.
Sexuality for men a great threat to straight men
In inumerable case studies, where young straight men in their late teens or early twenties, with yet undeveloped heterosexuality, fell unwittingly into relationships with men -- (and this happened not only in cases where men's spaces were strong, but also in heterosexualized spaces, and even in the former cases, there was enough opportunity for young men to court women in private, although, there were lots of opportunities for close intimacies to develop between men) -- men saw their increasing involvement with a male lover, a big threat to their heterosexualization process. They realised, without anyone having to tell them that, if they allowed their sexual feelings for men to develop and gave it a 'valued' place in their lives, (a place they want to reserve for girls, because of the social pressures, even if the sexuality for girls is not fully developed yet), they may never be able to develop an adequate sexuality for girls. Because, in order to develop this sexuality your 'sexual' zone should be vacant. If it is filled up with need for a man, it would be almost impossible to change this in the future, if the sexuality for men takes root. Therefore, in 100% of these cases, men fought with their desire for their male lovers and tried to kill their growing emotional and social intimacy with them. It was an extremely painful process in all of these cases as these men really cared for their lovers at the sametime. So, it was a unique struggle where they were torn apart between a hatred of their sexual feelings for men and a very strong desire for their male lovers. Of course, in the end the social mechanisms won, and the bonds, all of which were extremely intense broke, sometimes without being 'consumated' at other times after a long sexual involvement.
Straight stated definition of 'gay' is different from straight 'practised' definition of 'gay'.
Straight men are forced to acknowledge the defintion of 'gay' given by the Forces of Heterosexualization. But for all practical purposes, they have their own functional definition of what comprises 'gay' and what comprises 'man' or 'straight' male.
When asked straight men will use the definition of 'gay' given by the formal society -- those who like men are 'gay'. However, in practise, it is not the liking of men that makes you gay. It is acknowledging that liking that does. And each straight society has different levels of freedom it allows to unacknowledged sexual acts between men. For example, in buses in Delhi, India, men can feel up other men, even masturbate them using their elbows, while making it seem casual, but using your hands is 'gay'. As 'wierd' as it may sound to western gays, no one will think of you as 'gay' if you quietly felt up another man using your elbow or any body part, except your hands. It is something straight males do to each other quietly. You will be thought of as 'gay' if you acknowledge your interest or cross the straight codes of sexual conduct with men, or showed a sexual disinterest in girls.
Spaces for straight men to give vent to some of their suppressed sexual need for men:
But men do create silent, unspoken and unacknowledged, fearful spaces within the heterosexualized spaces, where whenever they get a chance (which is rare) they give vent to some of their suppressed sexuality for men, but always taking care to camouflage their sexual acts by hiding behind socially acceptable excuses like non-presence of girls, losing inhibition after drinking, watching girl porn with guys, or just doing it because they're getting bored (always letting it be known that they have no real interest in men). These acts of giving vent to their sexual feelings for men often doesn't include things like oral/ anal sex, but rather stuff like seeing naked, feeling up or masturbation. It most certainly never involves more mushy things like kissing or embracing -- which are held decidedly 'queer' (Its clear that what the men want to do with other men sexually is determined by what is allowed within the straight identity/ manhood roles, rather than what they really desire deep within). Also, men never cease to take advantage of socially approved occasions like hazing (ragging) or handling of prisoner of wars in army, etc. to give vent to their sexual feelings for men. These excuses provide men a space where they can indulge in sexuality for men without being threatened to be burdened with the 'gay' identity. Even within the heterosexualised straight spaces, men sometimes are able to find or make for themselves pockets of men's spaces... and whenever they do, their sexual interactions with other men become more open and blatant. This is why the Forces of Heterosexualization are too keen to put girls in every personal space of men, (i.e. heterosexualize their spaces) so that they don't get any excuse or opportunity to give vent to their sexual need for men. The more they are able to suppress this sexuality for men, the more it becomes possible to channel this sexual need into 'heterosexuality'. When they attempt to 'cure' homosexuality, this is actually what they seek to do, to suppress a man's sexual feelings for men and to channelize it into women, although in most cases it is too late. You have to do it before the sexual feelings for men get too developed. Doing it after these feelings become developed is almost impossible.
Men often feel freer to indulge in their sexuality for men when they are in a position of power over other men who are in a vulnerable position. This is one situation where they would not be afraid of being 'queers' simply because they have social excuse, plus they are in a position of power over the men they are sexually exploiting, and thus more 'manly'. Queers can only be powerless, unmanly, sissies. Also, straight men have usually mutilated most of the softer, positive sides of their sexuality for men, and in any case, what they allow themselves to enjoy in these situations are hardened, negative, exploitative aspects of their sexuality for men, that has survived. The negative things often survive, when the positive aspects of a human trait have been killed by the society.
We all have images of how the Western armymen behaved with Iraqi men they captured in war. The first thing they'd do would be to strip them, to feel them up, to make them masturbate, to make them indulge in sexual acts with other men (or even with the armymen). And indeed to watch them being sexually humiliated by women, that has a special sexual value for straight men. The armymen had a perfect excuse, and they never failed to take pictures and videos of their sexual exploitation of prisoners to keep with them forever.
Stripping and sexually humiliating men before others, especially in front of girls, has immense sexual value for straight men. There are various reasons for this, which would be a topic for another analysis. Those in power in the Western society, have kept enough spaces and excuses for them to indulge in this fetish, and when it is so given sanction by the mainstream society, it ceases to be 'queer'. Therefore, in western culture, men are often made to strip down for medicals, often in public situations like army recruitments etc. when there is no apparent need for this humiliation. Women, on the other hand are not required to go through such humiliation.
Seen in this light, the stripping of four youths in full public view by the US army takes on another dimension, that the society will never want to acknowledge. Straight male sexuality for men often finds quiet, unacknowledged vent in social, non-sexual situations like stripping or feeling during medicals, in search operations, etc. There is a cover for men in such situations and the society considers only acts or men that involve anal/ oral sex to be 'queer' -- or at least an open acknowledgement of an interest in men. The social cover provided by these situations mean that men can indulge in sexuality for men without acknowledging their needs. Many of us are aware of this, but we aren't really able to conceptualize it, because it is not recognized in the society as such, and social acknowledgement/ non-acknowledgement makes a lot of difference in our ability to comprehend the reality.
Since there is no social space for normal, regular guys to talk about or acknowledge the pain that straight men go through while mutilating their sexual need for men, men too don't really lament over what they've lost or what they've suffered. There is no scope for complaining. Indeed, they don't see it as loss, they're socially conditioned to see it as a gain and a big relief from having to be queers.
Another aspect of straight male sexuality for men, is that although they feel freer to give vent to their hardened sexuality for men when in a position of power over vulnerable men, they tend to give vent to the softer side of whatever has remained of their sexuality for men, when in sexual situations with men who are more powerful, manly or macho than them. Of course, to be powerful and macho implies in heterosexual societies that neither of the two sides ever acknowledge their interest in each other. They indulge in the acts, often in the dead of night or behind an excuse, and pretend as if nothing ever happened.
PROBLEMS IN AWAKENING STRAIGHT MEN ABOUT THE ISSUE OF THEIR OWN OPPRESSION


Even when straight men are so oppressed by the mechanisms of social oppression, many of them, like a typical victim, are allegiant to these mechanisms and directly and indirectly support and strengthen them. This is ironical, yet true, and one of the biggest impediments in doing any work around this issue.
Men feel grateful to these oppressive mechanisms for being helpful to them in fighting with their own sexual needs when they are the most vulnerable against these needs. Ironically, men tend to see their own sexual feelings aS their enemy and the mechanisms that help them fight themselvs as their 'friend'. This is because, they see, the manhood = heterosexual connection as inevitable and biological -- something which is inalterable, as if they owe their manhood to these social mechanisms without which they just cannot be 'heterosexuals'.
What they don't realise is that if there were no anti-man social mechanisms, there would be no connection between manhood and heterosexuality and no need for men to fight with their real sexual needs as it is their real selves that can procure them their much needed manhood. When straight would mean not heterosexual but a male who is simply masculine gendered, although loving another male would be acknowledged as an integral part of this manhood, as it is in nature.
But most of all, men are scared to be labelled as 'gay' to associate with this sort of work/ campaign.


ENDNOTE
Its true that most men eventually develop a working heterosexuality, but even if they don't, they get the manhood status, embedded in the straight identity and that is the only thing they really care about (it would be just easier on men if they can develop a working heterosexuality, because it would be less stressful for them then). However, this is not a need that was provided by the nature, neither is this connection between heterosexuality and 'manhood' or 'sexual interest between men' and queerhood real. These connections as well as the need for being heterosexual is created by the society.
Therefore, if we can do away with the social need to be heterosexual, men will not have to feel happy about killing an important part of their own selves.

Men's sexual need for men is a defeated trait...

Man's sexual need for men is a historically defeated trait... and the social place granted to it, amidst the queers, both signifies and concretizes this defeat.
And 'straight' men choose to abandon this falling/ fallen ship, and throw their lot with 'heterosexuality', which is the human trait that is the conqureror... not very noble or manly, but they do fight with their sexual need for men and conquer it.
And, homosexuals are the ones that either accept to be 'slaves', deprived of manhood, because their sexual need for men has become their weakness and they can't leave it... or the ones who are already slaves (i.e. queers/feminine) and have no need for social manhood because of their femininity.
The first kind of homosexuals are the 'unmanly' kinds. The second ones are the Third gender, they're just being themselves.
But, in all this, there has not been many real men, who have neither abandoned the falling ship, nor accepted defeat by foregoing their manhood (by accepting the gay identity)... They are the ones who fought the enemy -- the anti-man forces, the Forces of Heterosexualization -- till there last breath... suffering a great deal in the process.
Some such men have been Alfred Kinsey and Michel Foucalt... But I know there have been hundreds of more... Today, they have the means to get together and organise themselves (through the internet and the shrinking world)... and they should really get their act together and wage a real war -- Like real men do!

Was Sherlock Holmes a homosexual?

I saw the serial on Sherlock Holmes and I thought about how they were speculating that he might be 'gay,' (eventhough he is a fictional character). I thought of other known single men in the history, and all those unknown masculine gendered males, who avoided getting married and led a lonely life, just because they did not want women in their life, and there was no social space for men to say they would like to live with a man.
However, the moment you classify them under the western concept of 'homosexual' with its entire third gender background, suddenly these masculine gendered males appear to be effeminate, or at least, not manly enough, with something lacking in their manhood, as is to be expected with the third genders. And, to think that these men guarded their attraction for men with such secrecy, sometimes, forgoing their sexual needs altogether only so to avoid being classified with the third genders.
Its such a misrepresentation of these men, to call them 'gay,' and unfair to them. But, if they could do it to one of the most manly guys in the world, Alexander the great and his lover Hephaistion (ref. the movie "Alexander the Great"), who conquered this world, the ordinary men don't stand a chance.
-------------------------------------------------
Also funny about these explanations by modern-day queered westerners is that in those times, men hardly had girlfriends, although, most got married, ... but marriage was not at all about sexuality in those days, but a social/ religious duty or a manhood role for men, AND, you could not be married for a number of reasons (of course, its besides the point that every masculine gendered male has an interest in men).
Men in those days were not forced to be publicly intimate with women to prove their manhood, like in modern day west, and so, men were hardly publicly intimate with women. AND, it was the most 'normal' thing to do for two men to share a bed, so to arrive at any decision on Sherlock's sexual preferences using the modern day unnatural western lifestyle as the criteria, is plain and simply absurd.
Once again, homosexuality is an invalid, queer, western concept.
The concept of Homosexual and Homosexuality is simply invalid.

Is heterosexuality unnatural?

Of course, gays and other anti-man forces will vehemently deny this. They will claim that there is no pressure on straight males to be heterosexual, and that sexuality is ingrained and fixed and not taught and people do not consciously change or limit the flow of their sexual desires ... but that is all invalid ... of course, gays (i.e. effeminate males who like men exclusively), do experience it, but its an experience particular to these non-men who like men, because they fit into the heterosexual set up snuggly (of manhood=heterosexuality; and Queerhood=homosexuality).

This article from a western source, does hint at this pressure/ conditioning to be heterosexual, which both gays and other anti-man forces refuse to acknowledge, because of their vested interests.

"I like men" vs "I am gay"

There's a world of difference between saying "I like men." and that, "I am homosexual."
The first means that you're a man that happens to desire men. The second means that you're an entirely different gender from men. A third gender. That you're effeminate, and have either a strong female identity, or at least a weak male identity.
The fact is that almost all men have the inner desire for other men, and therefore, there should be no need to say, "I like men." It would be like saying, "I have two eyes." Everyone has two eyes. However, its because of the intense politics of western male gender and sexuality, that has made it appear as if most masculine gendered males are heterosexuals -- and exclusively so -- that one even needs to say, what should have been self-evident from the fact that you're a man.

The stigma of third gender has been conspiratorially transferred by the anti-man forces onto male desire for men, through the concept of homosexuality

Intimacy and sexual desire between men has been stigmatized for men in Western societies, NOT because of religion, but PRIMARILY, because of its association with the term 'gay' or 'homosexual.' And this is so, because Gay is nothing but a rehash of the traditional third gender identity and repackaging it as 'men who like men.' By doing this, the anti-man forces have cleverly shifted the stigma from male femininity and receptive anal sex to the very desire between men.
Unfortunately, with entire generations now being brainwashed in the West, people have -- on the conscious level -- forgotten this third gender basis of the stigma behind desiring other men, although, it still operates as the primary source of stigma, yet unacknowledged. And this makes it all the more tricky. Because, now this stigma of third gender has been totally transferred into the trait of male desire for men, and people have forgotten the 'third gender' stigma totally.
And unless, this anti-man mechanism is exposed and 'homosexuals' are exposed for who they really are -- third genders that like men (that makes them want a separate category), we can never liberate the man's power to bond with another man, and thus, we can never liberate the man himself.

The role of 'sexual orientation' in pressurising men to disown their need for men

When the society defines a sexual interest in men as 'queer' or 'gay', then it makes the desire an extreme burden for men -- who are in an intense race for social manhood for survival, in which they have to prove that they are not queers, however queer is defined in that society. Its a competition that gays and women are just not aware of. They only know about straights what is told or shown to them.
Isn't this burdening of man-to-man desire a clear-cut social conspiracy against men in the name of 'Sexual Freedom'?
As long as the feminine gendered males who lust for men, continue to fill up the 'gay' category created by the anti-man forces, and thus give it validity, these anti-man forces will continue to enforce sexual apartheid/ seggregation (sexual orientation) on men, and claim at the sametime that they are actually giving freedom to male need for men (which they equate with 'gay').

The Origins Of Homosexuality And Heterosexuality

The following is in brief the history of politics around human Gender identities that have resulted in the modern Western concepts of homosexuality and heterosexuality:
ANCIENT WORLD:
In the ancient world, humans were divided into three distinct gender identities:
1. Man: (predominantly, not exclusively, masculine males)
2. Women: (predominantly feminine females)
3. Third Gender: (Both male and female at the sametime, including, Feminine males; Masculine females; hermaphrodites, etc.)
Sexual preferences or orientation was just not an issue in determining these identities. you could be a man and sexually desire anyone or anything, you'd remain one of the 'men'... ditto for Third Gender.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIDDLE AGES
Around the middle ages, Gender identities became politicized in order to force 'Men' to get bound into marriage and reproduce more than they do naturally -- by restricting male-male sexual/ romantic bonds.
The formal definitions of gender identities were changed as follows, by bringing in the element of sexual acts in the definitions (but not sexual orientation):
1. Man: Male who penetrates
2. Woman: Females (they get penetrated)
3. Third Gender: (males/ eunuchs/ hermaphrodites who seek to be penetrated by men)
The practical definitions of gender identities essentially remained the same (as humans basically tend to associate, relate and identify on the basis of their biological gender, not anything else): i.e. men were essentially masculine gendered males, but they took on the 'penetrator' roles (not identities) in sex, and disowned an interest in receiving penetration from anyone. In fact, they competed to prove a repulsion towards being penetrated.


The Third sex, continued to be essentially feminine gendered males, who now took on the role of receiving penetration from men. Masculine males who were caught having receptive sex were seen as 'lesser males' but not really third sex.
Third gender that desired women went completely underground, because the society didn't want to give them any space or recognition, in order to portray man-woman vaginal intercourse as 'manly'.
With this, through intense social engineering in middle ages, the third gender, which was once the most revered of human genders, now became extremely marginalized and stigmatized, and men started to avoid anything that was associated with them, in order to avoid being labeled as 'half-males/ half-females'. The worst dishonor for a man, for which he was justified to kill another, was to call him a 'third gender' (e.g. a Catamite in ancient Greece, or a Hijra in India).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MODERN WEST
In the beginning of the modern era... with the advent of science, the forces which were empowered by the above mentioned politics and were now ruling the society (Forces of Heterosexualization), initiated the following reorganisation of society:
1. Destroying men's spaces and heterosexualizing them, often in the name of 'women's liberation'. This made men and their bonds especially vulnerable -- as it was already a love that could not speak its name.
2. Science started to call the third sex (which was called by various local names, such as mollies, queers, faggots, etc. which all meant (like Hijras) the feminine gendered males who had receptive sex with men)... they labeled these members of the third sex as "men who liked men". You see, science did not recognize human gender (masculinity/ femininity) as a valid trait distinct from human sex (male/ female), so they called these half-males/ half-females people as 'men', something that was used only for 'masculine gendered males' earlier.
But that did not mean that in reality, these gender traits stopped making a difference. In reality gender continued to be the basis of human identities. Only it now started to be confused with 'sexuality'.
3. When science so redefined the third gender, men started to disown any kind of liking for another men like plague, in order to escape being identified as a half-male/ half-female. Thus they started to be seen as exclusively heterosexual, whether or not they really liked women, since being masculine, they were under intense pressure to prove their 'penetrating' status, which was now changed into a proof of desire for women.
However, men never wanted this pressure to be converted into an identity.. and they themselves never called themselves 'heterosexuals'. Straight men are always the ones who have a direct stake in keeping male sexuality as fluid.
It were the newly empowered third gender, which were now being called the 'homosexuals', who imposed upon the 'men' the 'heterosexual' identity, which they called 'straight' (i.e. normal/ regular guys). As you can see, 'normal', 'regular' male has the connotation of gender, i.e. being masculine, but it was seen as synonymous with being heterosexual (sexuality).
Even today, the 'Men' call themselves 'heterosexual' or 'straight' only when forced to do so, in order to distinguish themselves from the queers (gays). Otherwise they just call themselves 'men'.
4. The male Gender identities have been redefined by the modern West as follows:
a). Man: (now called Straight/ heterosexual male): Male who has a constant and exclusive sexual desire for women.
b). Third gender: (now called Gay/ homosexual/bisexual 'man'): Male who has any kind of sexual desire for men.
5. The practical definitions of gender identities still remain essentially the same (as humans basically tend to associate, relate and identify on the basis of their biological gender, not anything else): Thus 'Men'-- now 'Straight males' -- are still essentially masculine gendered males, but they now take on heterosexual roles and claim to have exclusive and constant sexual need for women. In fact, they compete to prove a repulsion against male eroticism and against the desire for men itself.


6. CONFUSING GENDER WITH SEXUALITY: The Gender identities are now known in the West as Sexual identities (as human gender and sexual identities and traits are confused as 'one' -- Heterosexuality constituting 'Manhood', while 'Homosexuality' constituting 'Queerhood').
To like men is now supposed to indicate an effeminate streak in a male, no matter how 'manly' he tries to behave. There are times when someone refers to a man who exhibits a sexual interest in another man as 'masculine', but it is more as a patronising thing, or an exception, never considered real. Yet it was not so in the pre-sexual orientation days. As long as liking men will be associated with the queer identity/ space, men who acknowledge their sexual interest in men will have to struggle to be counted or seen as 'men' or as 'masculine males' (also known as Real men in the West).
Even Western science conducts experiment on the queers and claims that "Men who like men" have biological constituents of females (like a female like brain).
Similarly to like women is to have proved one's manhood. No further proofs needed. If you become insecure about your manhood, just exhibit even a fake interest in girls, and you will gain back your confidence as a man, and your social image as a 'man'.
No matter, how much some gays may deny it, but its true that both within the gay world and outside, 'gay' and 'effeminate' is used interchangably both within gay world and outside, as in "you're looking so gay", or "you don't look gay". Its the gays who have stigmatized the entire range of male to male desire, by defining themselves as 'men who like men'.
The third gendered male is today also referred to as a 'man', but he is known as a lesser 'man', a queer 'man', a gay 'man', an effeminate 'man', a different 'man'.
The Western society has so much done away with Gender as a trait and confused those traits with 'sexual preferences' that, today, Gender is thought to be non-existent... and it is sexuality that is supposed to distinguish between normal, regular, masculine guys from the 'different', alternative', effeminate or less manly guys. That is why gays so much insist on defining straight as heterosexual, while claiming at the same time that both hetero and homo can be masculine.
7) The original stigma that was attached earlier to Third sex, and male effeminacy is now transferred to what is called 'gay' or homosexuality. But slowly as people forget the concept of gender, this hatred and stigma continues and grows, and has male effeminacy as its base, but, is now seen totally in terms of a desire for another male. The hatred is transferred from the trait of effeminacy to the trait of liking men, which has become extremely stigmatized.
However, in the straight world, if you're straight (i.e. normal, masculine) and you desire another male quietly without acknowledging it, they will not only accept you as one of them, they'll even seek you to fulfill their own suppressed sexual feelings for men. The line between straight and gay as far as straights are concerned is 'acknowledging' the need.

Top Scientists Get to the Bottom of Gay Male Sex Role Preferences

It’s my impression that many straight people believe that there are two types of gay men in this world: those who like to give, and those who like to receive. No, I’m not referring to the relative generosity or gift-giving habits of homosexuals. Not exactly, anyway. Rather, the distinction concerns gay men’s sexual role preferences when it comes to the act of anal intercourse. But like most aspects of human sexuality , it’s not quite that simple.

I’m very much aware that some readers may think that this type of article does not belong on this website. But the great thing about good science is that it’s amoral, objective and doesn’t cater to the court of public opinion. Data don’t cringe; people do. Whether we’re talking about a penis in a vagina or one in an anus, it’s human behavior all the same. The ubiquity of homosexual behavior alone makes it fascinating. What’s more, the study of self-labels in gay men has considerable applied value, such as its possible predictive capacity in tracking risky sexual behaviors and safe sex practices.

People who derive more pleasure (or perhaps suffer less anxiety or discomfort) from acting as the insertive partner are referred to colloquially as “tops,” whereas those who have a clear preference for serving as the receptive partner are commonly known as “bottoms.” There are plenty of other descriptive slang terms for this gay male dichotomy as well, some repeatable (“pitchers vs. catchers,” “active vs. passive,” “dominant vs. submissive”) and others not—well, not for Scientific American , anyway.
In fact, survey studies have found that many gay men actually self-identify as “versatile,” which means that they have no strong preference for either the insertive or the receptive role. For a small minority, the distinction doesn’t even apply, since some gay men lack any interest in anal sex and instead prefer different sexual activities. Still other men refuse to self-label as tops, bottoms, versatiles or even “gay” at all, despite their having frequent anal sex with gay men. These are the so-called “Men Who Have Sex With Men” (or MSM) who are often in heterosexual relations as well.
Several years ago, a team of scientists led by Trevor Hart at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta studied a group of of 205 gay male participants. Among the group’s major findings—reported in a 2003 issue of The Journal of Sex Research —were these:

(1) Self-labels are meaningfully correlated with actual sexual behaviors. That is to say, based on self-reports of their recent sexual histories, those who identify as tops are indeed more likely to act as the insertive partner, bottoms are more likely be the receptive partner, and versatiles occupy an intermediate status in sex behavior.

(2) Compared to bottoms, tops are more frequently engaged in (or at least they acknowledge being attracted to) other insertive sexual behaviors. For example, tops also tend to be the more frequent insertive partner during oral intercourse. In fact, this finding of the generalizability of top/bottom self-labels to other types of sexual practices was also uncovered in a correlational study by David Moskowitz, Gerulf Reiger and Michael Roloff. In a 2008 issue of Sexual and Relationship Therapy, these scientists reported that tops were more likely to be the insertive partner in everything from sex-toy play to verbal abuse to urination play.

(3) Tops were more likely than both bottoms and versatiles to reject a gay self-identity and to have had sex with a woman in the past three months. They also manifested higher internalized homophobia—essentially the degree of self-loathing linked to their homosexual desires.

(4) Versatiles seem to enjoy better psychological health. Hart and his coauthors speculate that this may be due to their greater sexual sensation seeking, lower erotophobia (fear of sex), and greater comfort with a variety of roles and activities.
One of Hart and his colleagues’ primary aims with this correlational study was to determine if self-labels in gay men might shed light on the epidemic spread of the AIDS virus. In fact, self-labels failed to correlate with unprotected intercourse and thus couldn’t be used as a reliable predictor of condom use. Yet the authors make an excellent—potentially lifesaving—point:

Although self-labels were not associated with unprotected intercourse, tops, who engaged in a greater proportion of insertive anal sex than other groups, were also less likely to identify as gay. Non-gay-identified MSW [again, “Men Who Have Sex With Men”] may have less contact with HIV prevention messages and may be less likely to be reached by HIV-prevention programs than are gay-identified men. Tops may be less likely to be recruited in venues frequented by gay men, and their greater internalized homophobia may result in greater denial of ever engaging in sex with other men. Tops also may be more likely to transmit HIV to women because of their greater likelihood of being behaviorally bisexual.

Beyond these important health implications of the top/bottom/versatile self-labels are a variety of other personality, social and physical correlates. For example, in the article by Moskowitz, Reiger and Roloff, the authors note that prospective gay male couples might want to weigh this issue of sex role preferences seriously before committing to anything longterm. From a sexual point of view, there are obvious logistical problems of two tops or two bottoms being in a monogamous relationship. But since these sexual role preferences tend to reflect other behavioral traits (such as tops being more aggressive and assertive than bottoms), “such relationships also might be more likely to encounter conflict quicker than relationships between complementary self-labels.”
Another intriguing study was reported in a 2003 issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior by anthropologist Mathew McIntyre. McIntyre had 44 gay male members of Harvard University’s gay and lesbian alumni group mail him clear photocopies of their right hand along with a completed questionnaire on their occupations, sexual roles, and other measures of interest. This procedure allowed him to investigate possible correlations between such variables with the well-known “2D:4D effect." This effect refers to the finding that the greater* the difference in length between the second and fourth digits of the human hand—particularly the right hand—the greater the presence of prenatal androgens during fetal development leading to subsequent “masculinizing” characteristics. Somewhat curiously, McIntyre discovered a small but statistically significant negative correlation between 2D:4D and sexual self-label. That is to say, at least in this small sample of gay Harvard alumni, those with the more masculinized 2D:4D profile were in fact more likely to report being on the receiving end of anal intercourse and to demonstrate more “feminine” attitudes in general.

Many questions about gay self-labels and their relation to development, social behavior, genes and neurological substrates remain to be answered—indeed, they remain to be asked. Further complexity is suggested by the fact that many gay men go one step further and use secondary self-labels, such as “service top” and “power bottom” (a pairing in which the top is actually submissive to the bottom). For the right scientist, there’s a life’s work just waiting to be had.

Overcoming Ejaculation Problems

Are ejaculation problems an issue of mind over matter?
Well, if a man and his partner don't mind how long it takes him to ejaculate, then it really doesn't matter. For example, Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex therapist and author of She Comes First, advises men to bring their partners to the brink of orgasm before having intercourse. Then, if he's prone to premature ejaculation, it doesn't matter since both of them come away satisfied.

Conversely, if a man takes longer than average to ejaculate, but both partners enjoy marathon sex sessions, then delayed ejaculation can be a real plus.
However, some men do mind how long it takes them to ejaculate. They mind a lot -- and so do their partners. But while the mind often plays a big role in creating ejaculation problems, it's also key in overcoming them. Here are some tips on what to do.
Common Ejaculation Problems
When it comes to ejaculation, there are basically three different things that can go wrong.

• Premature ejaculation is by far the biggest complaint that men have about their sexual performance. After studying data gathered by the National Health and Social Life Survey, sociologist Edward Laumann, PhD, estimated that a third of American men complain that they ejaculate too quickly. They want to last longer during intercourse to prolong the pleasure, both for themselves and their partners.
• Delayed ejaculation (or retarded ejaculation) affects a much smaller number of men - as few as 3%, according to some estimates. It's one of the most poorly understood ejaculation problems. Some men cannot reach orgasm at all, at least not with a partner.
• Retrograde ejaculation is the least common of the ejaculation problems. It causes semen to back into the bladder during orgasm instead of exiting by way of the penis. The semen is then later flushed out when you urinate.
  
  Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by diabetes, nerve damage, various medications, and surgery that disturbs the sphincter muscle. It's harmless and won't interfere with the feeling of orgasm. (It can also make for an easy post-sex clean-up.) But since it does affect fertility, some men may need treatment if their partners are trying to get pregnant.

What Causes Delayed Ejaculation?
There are lots of different reasons for delayed ejaculation. Some medicines -- like antidepressants -- are common culprits. For many men, it's age. As we grow older, the nerve endings in the penis become less sensitive, according to Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50, and a professor of human sexuality at the California State University, Fullerton.
"When the reflexes slow down, it takes longer," Keesling says. "Another thing that happens with age is that your erection ability goes down too, so it becomes more difficult to ejaculate without a full erection."

You may also have a hand in your delayed ejaculation problem. By adopting a masturbation technique that involves intense pressure, friction and speed, some men train themselves to respond to a level of stimulation no partner could duplicate -- at least not without coaching, which the man usually is reluctant to provide.
Michael A. Perelman, PhD, a sex and marital therapist in New York City says he sometimes tries to get men with delayed orgasm to agree to a masturbation moratorium. This does more than stop the practices that may be contributing to the problem. It also allows a build-up of sexual desire, which provides "a mechanism for reducing the threshold of arousal necessary for orgasm," he says.
But while masturbation can cause delayed ejaculation, it can also aid in the cure. If a guy won't agree to keep his hands off, Perelman will urge him at least to alter his masturbation style -- to switch hands, for example -- in order to break old habits. The problem is that your tried-and-true, quick-and-dirty masturbation style is probably terrible practice for sex with another person.
So instead of just masturbating efficiently to achieve orgasm, Perelman encourages men to fantasize about a sexual experience with their partners while they masturbate. He tells them to try "to approximate, in terms of speed, pressure and technique, the stimulation he likely will experience through manual, oral, or vaginal stimulation with his partner." It might take a little longer, but it makes masturbation more of a "dress rehearsal" for sex. You can also talk to your partner about your fantasy afterwards, Perelman suggests.

Premature Ejaculation Cure: Self-Love

So what about the much more common problem of premature ejaculation? In this case, masturbation can be just the ticket. Having repeated orgasms will bring on delayed ejaculation in almost any guy. Some believe that the best premature ejaculation tip is to double the number of orgasms a man has per week. And if that doesn't work, to double it again.
There's some evidence to support this folk remedy.
"Young men with a short refractory period may often experience a second and more controlled ejaculation during an episode of lovemaking," says Chris G. McMahon, MD, in a 2004 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Masturbation may also help men learn to control their level of arousal, which is essential for delaying orgasm.
Other Ways to Treat Premature Ejaculation
One time-honored technique for premature ejaculation is to distract yourself -- to think about something boring or even disgusting to delay your orgasm. While this may work for some, it has the unfortunate side effect of distancing men from their partners and the sexual experience.
There's also an obvious alternative: pull out and stop having sex for a few minutes to postpone orgasm. Sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson elaborated on this when they developed the "squeeze-pause" technique, also known as the "penis grip," to quell the desire to climax. As the name implies, this involves squeezing the head of the penis as orgasm approaches.

Perelman helps men last longer by teaching them a variation of the Masters and Johnson technique. It involves slowing themselves down and altering their movements in a way that maximizes their partner's pleasure. They do this while maintaining their erection but without overexciting themselves.
Antidepressants for Premature Ejaculation?
For men who aren't helped by any of these techniques, there's a pharmaceutical option. Since some antidepressants -- selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs -- are known to cause delayed ejaculation, researchers tried them as a way to treat premature ejaculation. Your doctor may prescribe an antidepressant for you to take four to six hours before intercourse, men prone to premature ejaculation can last longer.
Not surprisingly, drug companies were quick to take notice. A short-acting SSRI called dapoxetine has already been developed specifically for premature ejaculation. According to a 2006 study published in The Lancet, when taken one to three hours before sex, the drug increased the time from penetration to ejaculation from 1.75 minutes to 2.78 minutes for men treated with 30 milligrams of the drug. Men who got 60 milligrams lasted 3.32 minutes.
"A couple of minutes may not sound like much, but for these guys it was huge," said the lead author of the study, Jon L. Pryor, MD, when the results were published in September 2006. However, dapoxetine has not yet been approved by the FDA and is not available in the United States.
Although they also have not been FDA approved for use to treat premature ejaculation , the antihistamine cyproheptadine and the anti-flu drug amantadine have been used with moderate success to treat delayed ejaculation, McMahon says.
Instead of drugs, some men use a desensitizing cream to delay orgasm. There's an even simpler solution: double up your condoms to reduce your stimulation.
Treating Ejaculation Problems
Whatever your ejaculation problem, there are solutions. The key is to get help. And we don't just mean from a doctor, although that's important -- ejaculation problems can be signs of more serious medical issues, after all.
But you also need to talk openly with your partner -- something that many men are loath to do.
"Almost universally, men [with ejaculation problems] fail to communicate their preferences for stimulation to either their doctor or their partners, because of shame, embarrassment, or ignorance," Perelman tells WebMD.

So don't stay mum and let shame or male pride ruin your sex life (and your partner's). Letting that tension build up will just make things worse. With some openness, some discussion, and maybe a few fun new techniques in the bedroom, you can overcome your ejaculation problem. That means less worry and more sex.

Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn't Know

1. There's no such thing as "abnormal" masturbation.

Men often wonder if there's something abnormal about the way they masturbate. But experts are loath to offer specific definitions of "normal" and "abnormal," pointing out that men show great variations in both frequency and technique. "We humans are too diverse to establish a norm," says Betty Dodson, PhD, a New York City-based sexologist and the author of Sex for One. Every man masturbates in his own way, says Martha Cornog, the author of The Big Book of Masturbation, whether he "uses his hands, rubs against something, uses a sex toy or household object, wears special clothing, fantasizes, looks at a book or magazine, tries different positions, or looks in a mirror."

2. Masturbation is very safe -- but not entirely safe.

Unlike sex with a partner, masturbation can't give you a sexually transmitted disease. Nor will it subject you to the muscle strains, pokes in the eye, and awkward moments that can come with partner sex. But masturbation safety isn't guaranteed. "Masturbation is just about the safest sex there is," says Cornog. "But the laws of physics and biology don't stop operating just because someone is masturbating."
Frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis, as the average guy knows all too well. Less well known is that habitually masturbating face down -- for example, by thrusting against a sheet, pillow, or even a carpeted floor -- can injure the urethra in such a way that urine exits the penis not in a stream but in a hard-to-control spray. Barbara Bartlik, MD, a psychiatrist and sex therapist in New York City, says she's seen facedown masturbators with urethral trauma so severe that they are no longer able to use a urinal and must urinate while seated.
In certain extremely rare instances, masturbation and partner sex alike can cause penile fracture. This painful condition -- actually a tear in the tunica albuginea, the whitish tissue surrounding the penis's spongy layers -- occurs when an erect penis strikes a hard object or is forced downward. A medical emergency, it often necessitates surgery.

3. Solo sex can supercharge your sex life -- or scuttle it.

For various reasons, solo sex can be a real boon to sex with a partner. It helps teach men about their own sexual response -- what feels good to them and what doesn't -- so they will be better able to explain to their partners just how they like to be touched. It helps men learn to recognize the "moment of inevitability" just before orgasm and helps teach them how to avoid premature ejaculation. Perhaps most significant, it's a great coping mechanism for any man whose partner is temporarily unavailable for sex -- because of absence or illness -- or has a sex drive that doesn't quite match his own (something sex therapists call a disparity in frequency preference).
Of course, some men become so obsessed with solo sex that they begin to lose interest in having sex with their partner. The resulting hurt feelings and alienation a partner feels can make it hard to sustain the relationship. But experts are quick to point out that masturbation is perfectly OK even for men in a committed relationship. "We cannot assume that just because a man masturbates that there is a problem with his primary relationship," says Bartlik.

4. Certain forms of masturbation can lead to sexual dysfunction.

Experts warn that men who frequently stimulate themselves in ways that don't simulate sex with a partner -- for example, stroking very rapidly or with great pressure or friction -- can develop retarded ejaculation. That's a type of sexual dysfunction in which it is difficult or even impossible to climax during partnered sex. "Any man experiencing any sexual dysfunction should ask himself if he's masturbating in ways that produce sensations that differ from those he gets from his partner's hand, mouth, or vagina," says Michael A. Perelman, PhD, clinical associate professor of psychiatry, reproductive medicine, and urology at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York City and the president of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research "Then he should consider what he could say to her to make the stimulation more similar -- and how he could change the way he masturbates to make it feel more similar to what his partner does."

5. Masturbation may affect the risk for prostate cancer.

The relationship between masturbation and prostate cancer is a bit hazy.
A 2003 Australian study published in BJU International linked frequent ejaculation early in life with reduced risk for prostatecancer later on. But in a 2004 study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, a researcher reported that "ejaculation frequency is not related to increased risk of prostate cancer." In both these studies, ejaculation frequency included sexual intercourse and masturbation.
In a later study published in BJU International, researchers found that frequent masturbation in young men raised the risk for prostate cancer but that frequent masturbation in older men lowered the risk. Sexual intercourse did not affect prostate cancer risk.
The researchers theorize that it may not be the masturbation itself which is increasing risk of prostate cancer in men who masturbate frequently in their 20s and 30s. Men who masturbate more may do so because they have high levels of male sex hormones -- and young men genetically predisposed to have hormone-sensitive prostate cancer will be at higher risk if they have more male hormones. In men over age 50, the researchers theorize, frequent masturbation helps drain the prostate of fluids that may contain cancer-causing substances.

Your Guide to the Sexual Response Cycle

The sexual response cycle refers to the sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a person becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, including intercourse and masturbation. Knowing how your body responds during each phase of the cycle can enhance your relationship and help you pinpoint the cause of any sexual problems.

What Are the Phases of the Sexual Response Cycle?

The sexual response cycle has four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both partners will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences may help partners better understand one another's bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1: Excitement

General characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following:

• Muscle tension increases.
• Heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated.
• Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back).
• Nipples become hardened or erect.
• Blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman's clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man's penis.
• Vaginal lubrication begins.
• The woman's breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell.
• The man's testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid.

Phase 2: Plateau

General characteristics of the plateau phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm, include the following:

• The changes begun in phase 1 are intensified.
• The vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn a dark purple.
• The woman's clitoris becomes highly sensitive (may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis.
• The man's testicles are withdrawn up into the scrotum.
• Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase.
• Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands.
• Muscle tension increases.

Phase 3: Orgasm

The orgasm is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following:

• Involuntary muscle contractions begin.
• Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen.
• Muscles in the feet spasm.
• There is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension.
• In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions.
• In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis result in the ejaculation of semen.
• A rash, or "sex flush" may appear over the entire body.

Phase 4: Resolution

During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning, and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and color. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, often, fatigue. Some women are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. Men need recovery time after orgasm, called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advancing age.

Sexual Orientation

Sexuality is an important part of who we are as humans. Beyond the ability to reproduce, sexuality also defines how we see ourselves and how we physically relate to others. Sexual orientation is a term used to refer to a person's emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to individuals of a particular gender (male or female).

Sexual orientation generally is divided into three categories:

• Heterosexual: attracted to individuals of the opposite sex
• Bisexual: attracted to members of either sex
• Homosexual: attracted to individuals of one's own sex

Sexual orientation involves a person's feelings and sense of identity; it may or may not be evident in the person's appearance or behavior. People may have attractions to people of the same or opposite sex, but may elect not to act on these feelings. For example, a bisexual may choose to have a monogamous (one partner) relationship with one gender and, therefore, elect not to act on the attraction to the other gender.

Why Are Some People Homosexual or Bisexual?

Most scientists today agree that sexual orientation (including homosexuality and bisexuality) is the result of a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors. In other words, there are many factors that contribute to a person's sexual orientation, and the factors may be different for different people.

However, homosexuality and bisexuality are not caused by the way a child was reared by his or her parents, or by having a sexual experience with someone of the same sex when the person was young. Also, being homosexual or bisexual does not mean the person is mentally ill or abnormal in some way, although there may be social problems that result from prejudicial attitudes or misinformation.

How Do People Know Their Sexual Orientation?

For many people, their sexual orientation becomes evident to them during adolescence or young adulthood, and in many cases without any sexual experience. For example, homosexuals become aware that their sexual thoughts and activities focus on people of the same sex. It is possible, however, to have fantasies or to be curious about people of the same sex without being homosexual or bisexual, or choosing to act on these impulses/attractions.

Can a Person's Sexual Orientation Be Changed?

Most experts agree that sexual orientation is not a choice and, therefore, cannot be changed. Some people who are homosexual or bisexual may hide their sexual orientation and/or live as heterosexuals to avoid prejudice against people who are homosexual and bisexual. They may live as heterosexuals in order to avoid their own moral dilemmas when their sexual orientation is incompatible with their personal beliefs.

Are There Support Groups for People Struggling With Their Sexuality?

Yes. There are a number of different support groups and systems available to those struggling with sexual orientation. They can help a person develop strategies for dealing with the prejudice associated with homosexuality and the damaging effects of bias and stereotypes.

Your Guide to Masturbation

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking, or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use "sex toys," such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?

Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have a sex partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?

In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

Is Masturbation Normal?

While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable, and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life.

Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is Masturbation Harmful?

In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person's lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior.

Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.

Making Lust Last

People sometimes tell me they know a couple married 20 years whose sex life is still as good as it ever was. Here's what I tell them in return: "There are only three possibilities. One: This couple is lying. Two: They are telling the truth, because they didn't have good sex to begin with. Or three: Sex is all they really have together. They never connected emotionally."
I've drawn that conclusion by listening to the many dozens of husbands and wives I've counseled, almost all of whom have admitted that after 10 or 20 years of marriage, passion became elusive.
Sharing lives is different from sharing dinners and long walks and weekends away. When you were dating the man you ultimately married, you were both acting much of the time (consciously or not), putting your best feet forward in order to be attractive to each other.
When you were sick or had a bad headache, you probably pretended it was no big deal. So did he. Now when your stomach is upset, you feel free to tell him you're about to throw up.
When you had an argument with a close friend or your sister, you might have told him, "It really wasn't the best day, but it's getting better now that we're together." He might have smiled, taken your hand, and said, "Tell me what happened. I want to know." Now when he asks how your day was, you might just say, "Fine," and leave it at that. And he might be happy to leave it at that too.
Nobody would write that kind of dialogue into a romantic movie—unless it was a sad or serious one. But that's how married people generally talk because no one can always act adoring or keep up an air of mystery while sharing the same space with his or her spouse, year after year. Here are the truths about sex, as I've learned from years of counseling, for most married couples:

Love is constant; passion needs recharging

No surprise: Everything in the universe eventually demagnetizes when left in proximity to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do, and men and women do too. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years—or 17. Basic animal attraction is a force of nature that seems designed to make us mate—not mate for life. Relaxing in our marriages and freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress our partners has a predictable outcome: Our partners are not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to lift.

Cozy is comfortable, but not sexy

To the extent that men and women become real to each other, they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses who inspire romantic fantasies or amorous worship. Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical ones—because great sex requires magic. I'd never suggest that a couple trade their warm, safe home life for better sex. Why keep your distance just so you can make love with abandon? I believe you can have a close marriage and recapture a good sex life—but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a commitment of time and energy.

Intimacy doesn't equal sex

When a man and a woman reveal themselves to each other, it makes each person feel more vulnerable. And, particularly for men, it's hard to have amazing sex while feeling emotionally exposed. Our earliest experiences with being close come from our relationships with parents. And those relationships aren't (in any normal scenario) linked with sexual passion. That's why some husbands and wives are open about what pleases them sexually only when they have affairs. They feel as if they have to be free of "family" to be free with their amorous impulses.

Having kids definitely doesn't lead to better sex

Children in the home define husbands and wives as parents first and foremost, not lovers. That further sets the psychological cement that reminds us we are in a family home, not a love nest. Most couples get caught up in the momentum of deciding who's going to drive which child where, how everyone will end up getting dinner, who's doing laundry because there's no clean underwear for tomorrow, and more. It's hard to switch gears and end up in overdrive in bed.

The love nest you create often feels a lot like the family nest you left

The way we behave in marriage frequently ends up resembling how we acted with our parents and siblings rather than the way we acted on our honeymoon. We wind up expressing jealousies transplanted from sibling rivalries, or we shut down because we feel like we aren't getting the attention we missed as children. And when childhood dramas take over a marriage, the spouses start to drift apart, especially sexually, because powerful, conflicted emotions from the past siphon any pure passion from the present.

What turns him on? You may be the last person in the world he'd tell

With all the talk about the difference between sex and intimacy, the two are powerfully connected. That's why what moves us sexually is usually one of our most closely guarded secrets. It's a window to our soul. In a marriage, opening that window means being seen emotionally naked 24/7. That's why many people don't open it at all. And that's a big loss. In working with couples for more than 15 years, I've rarely met anyone who doesn't welcome hearing a partner's sexual fantasies, once that person summons the courage to reveal them. I've seen lots of people blush, but I've never seen anyone get angry.

5 ways to put the X back in married sex

Luckily, with so much passion locked inside us, there's a lot to unlock. It's just a matter of finding the right key. For most couples, being married makes being passionate together more difficult, not less. Admitting this is happening is the first step toward making it stop. You can change your sex life this week. Pick one item from this five-point plan and try it out. Have your husband pick another for next week. You'll be on your way to married sex that works. Trust me. Not only am I a doctor—I've been married for 12 years.

1. Assume you don't know everything about each other sexually. As I've said, very often a husband and wife can be married for many years without ever telling each other what they find most exciting in bed. This is partly because many people remain painfully embarrassed about their sexual needs. But it's also because too much is at stake—namely, the emotional bond between husbands and wives—to gamble it on fulfilling a need that might be seen as odd, selfish, or simply beyond the comfort level of their partners for life. And after years pass, it often becomes more and more difficult to reveal a "hidden" desire, because it feels like introducing something very foreign into the relationship (or admitting that you've been fibbing about your sexual desires all that time).
   
2. Offer up an emotionally safe way to explore each other's fantasies. The walls separating husbands and wives romantically do not dissolve spontaneously. They have to be dismantled piece by piece. You can start by inviting your husband to slowly reveal aspects of his sexuality. I recommend my patients say something relatively nonthreatening, like, "I had the craziest thought. Why don't you tell me something you think would really surprise me about what you wish we could do in bed? Then I promise to tell you something I think would surprise you." Putting it that way assures the other person that you anticipate being taken aback, and welcome it. And that means your husband doesn't automatically have to edit out the most erotic parts of his fantasy. If saying anything out loud is just too embarrassing for you, try putting a block of Post-its in an envelope for him with a note that says, Leave a fantasy under my pillow, and I'll wake you up in the middle of the night. Or send him a special Valentine's card.
   
3. To make sex less intimidating, turn it into a game. Ask your partner to tell you three of his fantasies, and you get to choose one to act out. Then it's his turn—you tell him three of yours, and he selects one. If he wants to pick two from your list, and you take him up on that offer, he also gets one of the two remaining fantasies on his list. Bargaining builds romantic tension. Being playful will be a welcome reminder of how energized the two of you once were—and could be again. As an alternative, you could simply say, "I know you haven't told me everything you like in bed, even though we've been together for years. So give it up: What have you been dying to do?"
   
4. Provide examples. In order for your spouse to believe that you want to hear his real fantasies, you'll have to prove it by giving a believable example. Otherwise, he'll think you expect him to say something nice about you falling asleep in his arms. Try something like this: "You know, whatever really excites you—being tied up, pretending I'm someone else, you name it."
   
5. Give real-life routine a rest. Monotony (not to be confused with monogamy) is the enemy of passion. In order to see your mate as the prince, and for him to see you as the princess, it helps to set the stage and put on the right costume. Tell him to meet you at a restaurant for a date. Dress to impress each other. Then surprise him with a key to a motel room or a secluded beach cottage—no packing allowed. Even if an overnight isn't possible, you can alter your look to be "new" for your partner. A different style of clothing or different hairstyle or even a tiny tattoo on your ankle might trigger new feelings in him. Being "different" for him in bed doesn't mean he won't love you for everything you've always been outside the bedroom. But part of him (you know which part) wants to believe he just met you. And there's nothing wrong with your wanting to meet him for the first time too. Feel free to suggest that a beard or more closely cropped hair might look cool on him for a while.

Ironically, the kind of fantasies we try to keep so private are the kind of scenes that actually do appear in movies. That suggests that all of us have some potential to write true romance into our lives. We just have to decide it's time to start. My guess is you won't get too far down that road before you notice the passion wasn't really gone from your relationship. It was just hibernating.

A Change-Your-Life Valentine

Not every card needs to be a syrupy expression of undying love. Make this year's an expression of your commitment to charging up your sex life. Create your own card, conveying one of these messages:
"This week, let's forget we're married and pretend we're still dating. Where should I meet you to fool around?" (Leave a blank space for his answer.)
"Valentine, I have a secret I've never told you about what turns me on." (Enclose a blindfold, a battery, or a receipt from a bikini wax.)
"Tell me one thing we haven't done in bed that you want to do, and I'll be your Valentine." (Leave a blank space for his answer.)
If this still seems too risky, create a time limit: "What we do tonight is just for tonight. We can decide never to do it again. So why not experiment?"